Monday, June 15, 2015

I Will Not Be Silenced

flickr / Andy Wright 
Looking back over the life I have lived I have always been forced to make judgment calls on why this happened or why this hasn’t happened yet (usually a big one) and not so much in a way of regret (although there’s plenty of that too) but more in an analytical way a form of self-discovery of why things haven’t always panned out. Some of those issues are for lack of a better word “horrific events” Sometimes those horrific events weren’t so horrific, and they were just a very bad reaction on my part to events that did not call for such a strong response, others of those horrific events were just plain bad luck as they say. Then there are those horrific events that were brought upon me by others, out of some form of ill intent. It is those horrific events I would like to discuss here.

It almost appears that the horrific events in my life up to this point have been aiming towards several goals, to keep me down and to keep me quiet. Not the quiet that most parents desire by offering a crying child a pacifier, but more of a quiet of not speaking out, not speaking up, of not writing, of not letting my voice be heard through the written word.

I have a piece in the works entitled Full Circle Syndrome, I don’t know what will ever become of it, maybe one day you can read it, but for today we just need to know it exists, not even it in its entirety but just that it is.  You may have not seen it yet but it does exit for today’s purpose all we need is the title, because it is appropriate after finding a three year old note of a project that is still in the works.

 It seems I have gone full circle in the past three years, then I was working on my blog, writing articles and launching a website and well that’s pretty much where I am today, but it’s different this time around. A sense of urgency has befallen me, a sense of setting priorities, a sense of caring again, although there was some of that around in the past it is hitting me harder now than it has in the past and hopefully for good reason. I think I’m just really fed up not only with others with their judgments, there participation in the gossip and rumor spreading, but I’m also fed up with myself, with the excuses, with the regrets.

To the excuses and regrets I would just like to say that “I’m tired of dancing with you and I’m looking for a new partner, maybe that partner could be called contentment, or fulfilled, or maybe even successful”.              

And to those I am fed up with let me tell you, “I’m fed up and I’m not going to take it anymore, you don’t get to tell me anymore. Let me first state how vain I think it is of you to try and make decisions about things that really don’t affect you in any matter at all. You are an arrogant fool if you think you get to decide who gets to fail, and who gets to succeed. Stumble in your folly it doesn’t matter much too me anymore what happens to you, but know this: You don’t get to tell me I can’t do this, I can’t do that, I’m not capable of this, or I’m not capable of that. Mumble all you want, but your sounds only fall on deaf ears, try to knock me down just to lift yourself up? Really? Good luck with that! The truth of the matter is simple, the truth of the matter is this . . . I will not be silenced, try as you wish, but no more. I have a voice and my voice needs to be heard, no matter not if you agree or disagree. I am allowed to contribute to the great dialogue just as much as anyone of you, so that is what I chose to do, sit back and watch you might be surprised.”

I guess what they really want is for me to crawl under a rock till I'm dead, then they can hold my ashes in their hands and say look what I did I spited him to death. Ha good luck with that, you are no longer able to stop me, even on your best day!

I say this now because I know it’s true, When I grow Up I Want to be a Writer!!!!

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